One Life To Live.

Remember that show? I remember seeing it for a while. But, I'm not huge on television viewing.

One life to live. That's all we have. We have received this one time gift and we are in complete control on how we use it.

The recent death of a loved one has made me ponder a lot deeper on life and how its end is guaranteed. I was very hurt as I expressed in one of my latest posts, however I like to find purpose in all.

Everything and everyone on Earth is temporary. Let that sink in. I feel like we know this but don't feel it, until death comes and bites you in the ---. The point is, I think the purpose of this painful time for my loved ones and myself is to evaluate what is truly important in this life.

I ask myself, what do I devote most of my time doing? How am I treating others? How can I give more of myself? Are there things that God is calling me to do that I'm not doing? Is there a change in my lifestyle that should be made?

One life to live. I don't want to think that I'll leave this broken world without leaving any meaningful footsteps on it. Forget being mediocre. I want to fulfill my purpose and this loss has allowed me to grasp the reality of death. The reality that this will soon cease. And every second is precious.

You, reading... Is there something you have to say to someone? Is there someone you have to forgive? Is there someone you need to express your love to? Is there something you have to confess? Do you have an idea that might make a difference?

One life to live. Let that sink in.

Spiritual Droplets

Follow my new blog. Spiritual Droplets. Reflect on God today.
http://spiritualdroplet.blogspot.com/2011/06/first-droplet-love.html

Good Bye Beauty

My heart has been torn.
The ache is great in pain.

She was beautiful.
Her smile was pleasant.

Today she no longer is.
And it hurts.

Two decades of life.
Sweet but extremely sour.

Ease my soul, God.
I trust she is shining with you now.

Rest in peace.
Goodbye beauty.
I'm looking forward to meeting you.
Hasta luego...

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Lessons are to be learned.
Pray at all times.
Appreciate at all times.
Love at all times.
Forgive at all times.
Respond to God at all times.
Fulfill your purpose.
You don't know when it's over.



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I love you, LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. Psalms 18:1-2,30

The "P" Word

Process.

I am going through a process. Others may not realize that they too are going through a process. Process, process, process. This is a word that has been after me for a while. I have learned that instead of running away from the term, I would understand the importance of it.

Process. Think about it. Everything around you, in some way or another makes you who you are. The people, the situation, the circumstances, the perspectives, the lifestyles, the beliefs. Everything that happens, everyone you meet, everything you see, everything you hear is part of this "process."

You may not like the idea of being "processed." I think that now more than ever, we enjoy everything being instant. That's why we've made microwaves, email, texting, etc.  And I bet that if someone invented something that reads our minds, without havng to click any buttons, we'd buy it in a heart beat.

Unfortunately, even though we are privileged to have these instant gadgets, we are the same as earlier generations. We aren't born with defined personalities and perspectives. Each day, each minute, each second produces something new in us.

All lives are complex and are being processed. However, it is something more profound when you know that you are being processed by something or someone beyond our human understanding.

I have learned that God is behind my every move. I believe that he puts things in my path to teach me something new. And everything is for my very own good. Every step of this process is to help me have the heart and lifestyle that He desires for me.

Like the song, Blessings by Laura Story. It says, "Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops What if Your healing comes through tears, What if a thousand sleepless nights, Are what it takes to know You’re near, What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise.."

It may be raindrops, tears, sleepless nights that bring you closer to God and help you understand Him and what he desires for you. Sometimes it can be a friend, a relationship, a conversation, an attitude, a trip or a part of scripture.

The "P" word.

Process. It is no longer an idea that I am uncomfortable wth. Instead I welcome God to continue to process me and find His way to the center of my life. I ask Him to help me understand what I need to change or what I need to learn from everything that surrounds me. Remember that everything has a purpose, even the fact that you are still reading this blog post.

Is there something that you need to notice in your life? Is God processing you in this very moment? Be joyful in the process and remember that at the end of the road is victory.

   Job 11:7

"Can you search out the deep things of God?
Can you find out the limits of the Almighty?"

It's a process.

Let that sink in.

My Experience at an “Alcoholics Anonymous” Meeting

(I had to go to an AA for my Addiction Studies course, I wrote this paper as proof of attendance for my professor. I should've posted this earlier but end of semester things got in the way....enjoy)

It was Monday, May 2^nd . I was stressed because I thought that I wasn’t going to be able to go to a meeting, on time for this assignment. And honestly, with all the work I have to get done for the end of the semester I was not looking forward to this assignment either. I thought that one hour at this meeting was going to be a waste of my life.

A close friend of mine referred me to one at the Calvary Baptist church right near campus. So I went and dragged a close relative with me because I was scared and didn’t know what to expect. We got there it was like a little alley way on the side of the church. And I see old people, middle aged people and a young man too. Everyone was friendly and said hello and asked if it was the first time. I laughed because someone asked me so are you an alcoholic? And in my head I’m like “Oh my do I look like one”? But, what do you expect standing outside the door of an AA meeting.

One lady there who actually led the meeting said something like “Yeah, going through an ugly divorce with a bad man and its all bad. But it’s all about staying sober you know..” Right then and there I knew that this meeting was important to some people.

So after a while of standing outside my relative and I entered the room. There was a table in the front and there were chairs lined up in front. On the side there was a table with coffee. Everyone took coffee! I guess it’s an equivalent to the alcohol, because a lot of the people came in with cups from Dunkin Donuts.

To my surprise I then saw Robert who had talked in the class, everyone was really happy to see him. And he hugged everyone, at that moment I saw true fellowship.

My relative and I sat down, they had a twelve step and traditions book on the seats and my relative started reading it while we waited for the meeting to start.

And at 5:15, “Happy Hour” started, that was humorous. They started saying the steps, traditions, the serenity prayer and asked questions like is this your first time? Or something about thirty days and who can be a sponsor.

I introduced myself and so did my relative, the “HI CRISTINA” chanted by the crowd was a little weird but everyone just looked happy to help, I sensed a real community.

They read a chapter from the book about the third tradition I think. It was something about the only requirement is to want to stop drinking. It was interesting but I didn’t feel like I belonged because I’m not a drinker.

And then the exciting part was the open part just to talk… I was surprised to see that after the person said now you’re free to talk. The person who got up was my relative. I knew this person had used all sorts of substances when he was in his home land before becoming a Christian but I had not linked the two things together.

He was nervous I could tell because his accent was worse than ever but you could still understand what he was saying. He spoke about his experience with alcohol and other drugs. And how now it’s been 20 years of him being clean and having “one woman” (everyone laughed). He said that what made the difference in his life was finding Jesus. A pastor went to his house preaching but he didn’t want to tell anyone that in his heart he asked God that if he was real to forgive him. And since that day everything changed.  I began to cry because I know from personal experience that God is real and that my relative does not struggle with alcohol or anything else anymore but he took the opportunity to talk about Jesus to these people who were trying to overcome this addiction.

Others after him agreed with relative that it wasn’t until they found a higher power to help them they couldn’t have done it because they needed the power of someone else.

But there was one man that made me want to just sob on my knees and pray to God. He said something like, “Every day I struggle and I read the 2^nd step (I think that was it about finding a higher power). And I find myself with the bible on one side and the bullet on the other. I try to read but it makes no effect and I just want to end my life, there’s no point. I’m done.”

Someone in front of my eyes wanted to commit suicide because alcohol has destroyed their life. I cried and realized that God made my heart sensitive to these people. I never experienced something like this live! And I noticed that these people need to be prayed for. And as a Christian I saw the need that these people had of finding forgiveness and healing through Jesus. I cried and cried because I know that God does not create life for no reason, each person has a purpose.

Several people responded to this man. One that stood out to me was one that said, “you know what, I know you’re in a tough spot, I was there. But I lost my wife because of alcohol. I never thought alcohol could do that but it did. And instead of me trying to do something about her death, I’m trying to do something about me, by stopping. And it’s hard but I take it day by day…”

This A.A meeting has changed my life. It has given me another reason to pray for, opened my eyes to the real brokenness that addiction produces. May God find his way into their hearts and allow them to find healing.

Like the strings of a guitar.

Each string of a guitar makes a sound and has the potential to make other sounds as well. The pressure put upon the strings by our fingers, create a distinct tone. With the correct and precise combination of tones, we make pleasant chords and create music. But it depends on the guitar player to vary the sounds of each string.In a strange way life can be compared to guitar strings. When I think about this comparison I think about the things each person has and what they decide to do with them. Things like: people in your life, money, education, health, belief etc.What do we make of it? As a guitarist you must wander and try to discover new sounds to make a melodious tune. With the right combination you might just get the right sound.Every aspect of our life is not be ignored and left untouched but it should be explored for its potentiality.We should use our creativity to produce harmony. What do you do with what you have? How do you relate to those who are around you? In what do you invest your resources? How can you manage all aspects to make a song..? I am learning how to play the guitar now and it’s so amazing to become familiar with its structure and how you can make the same chords in different forms. Good music is offered throughout all of it frets. So is life, we just have to learn the tricks with its strings.

What's Wrong with Pretty?

It's not always real.

Often times when life brings about a hard situation or simply an unwanted one, I calm myself with indifference.

 Imagine yourself being cut or hurt and not peeping or showing an ounce of pain or discomfort at least.. You're just looking good like if nothing just happened. Take this to the other level, away from the physical..

I’m not sure if I can say I lie to myself saying that I’m fine. But I extremely dislike seeming dysfunctional or not put together.

Once when I took an interest assessment, the interpreter told me “Hmmm you like things to look nice, don’t you?” I have no idea how she perceived that through the results but it’s true. I guess I don’t mind a good image. I think this preference does NOT entail material things only.

Anyway, the point is that … well I don’t know what my point is.

But I remember about a week or two ago at a bible study I regularly attend on campus, we spoke about how it is important to be one person, not showing one thing and being something completely different in the inside.

I don’t argue with the bible or its teachings. If I don’t believe it… well, there goes my faith…

But it’s interesting to me because personally I feel like I’m being told that its normal to not be perfect, just be true to yourself and to others.

So, what’s my closing statement?

Haha… I laugh because this is truly hard to say since I often times convince myself that I’m insensitive or immune to many things. (I think I am sometimes anyway… bear with me I’m still confused)

Dear World,

 I have “feelings” (OMG this is unbearably girly). Everything isn’t always okay. I’m learning that there is a difference between accepting situations rather than just putting it in the junk/ignore pile.

Sincerely,

Whispered by honesty and acceptance

The value of honesty is truly immeasurable

This is what we shouldn't be ... Ha ha